Gallery Visiting Gifts

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

'Brilliant! I love it! I'll give you ?25,000!'

The Big Picture

'... And this is Picasso's: The bad plastic surgeon. '

"It says here that this was his non-productive period."

'It's called the 'Reclining Hypochondriac.' The model kept calling in sick.'

Understanding art.

Man reading the title of an all white painting at an art gallery.

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

'It's from his, ‘Hey, my kid could do better than that' period.'

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'You're right, Fiona, his artwork does make you look at things in a different way.'

'I like it!'

'Let's be honest Vincent! What you do is crap!'

'The art is only so-so, but the California white wine is quite acceptable.'

'Any other opinion about this painting besides Kevin's?'

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

'Imagine the damage he could have done as a corporate accountant...'

Artist in formaldehyde

"It's a great work!"

"So, is your artwork on the back?"

"He's not an enfant terrible, he's just terrible."

"Is this 'pollocks'."

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"Well it's not my idea of a conversation piece."

Francoise Gilot

Minimalism exhibition...

"Satire? Just a joke? No, my dear! You have perfectly presented the modern definition of the term 'Art'!"

"The selection committee turned down my painting as 'tribe and banal' but they'd like to exhibit the envelope I sent it in."

'I wonder if he faked it?'

"Is that all you can say—'It's not messy'?"

"Are you the angry young artist or the angry young bloodsucking dealer?"

"I wish this bench was in front of something I understood."

"Thirty years of accounting and I haven't had one 'happy accident.'"