Visiting Galleries Gifts

"But is it content?"

Question Mark Picture.

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

A post-modern abstract self portrait

'It's fabulous! I'll give you ?25,000 for it!'

'It's an organic still life.'

'I love the frame on this one!'

'It looks messy but it has a certain cachet.'

'It's almost as if he's trying to tell us something.'

So that's what he' thinking.

'Finally something I like!' (Man leaving through the art galleries exit).

'He lives under the illusion that Charles Saatchi is going to barge in here someday and buy everything.'

First Prize.

'It wasn't until Picasso realzed he was earning $2,856 per hour that he began painting all night.'

Queuing for a Turner, Whistle, Monet exhibition in the rain - 'Atmospheric, isn't it?'

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"Actually I think that the 'witty and erudite exploration of internal space colliding with an outer external reality' is over there. . . This really IS just the exit!"

'So colour is this artist's vocabulary huh! Well his language is to colourful for me!'

'I can't see what point he's trying to make.'

'We came. We saw. We criticized.'

'Some of the critics called my work superficial, gimmicky and trite - but some really didn't get it at all.'

"It's OK. But it's not art."

"If art was meant to be understood by the common man then the common man would have a degree in art appreciation."

'The green dot indicates it's just been sold to someone colour-blind...'

I could do THAT Art

"He's not a third-rate second-rate artist. He's a first-rate third-rate artist."

"Believe me, this guy is the next superstar of painting. He bows to the conservatives, the lefties, the environmentalists, to all religions, to the atheists, the meat eaters, the vegans..."

"This piece really makes you think doesn't it?"

"He's really captured the moment!"

"That's the fire alarm. . ."

Lady mimics The Scream.

"I should blooming-well think so!"

Gallery of Expressionist Art

'Karl calls it 'hit and run' portraiture and says he'd like to immortalise your face good and proper too.'

"Do you really like Rembrandt, or do you simply identify with him as a white heterosexual male?"