Attending Art Galleries Gifts

"I collect art. Or trash, depending on your point of view."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"That must be the artist over there."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Private Viewing

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

"It's a great work!"

'You're no Pollock.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

Francoise Gilot

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Understanding art.

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

'I didn't choose art. Art chose me!'

'Of course this makes your old masters al look now so very contrived.'

"Is this 'pollocks'."