Visiting Art Gallery Gifts

A woman's son is crying at the Scream painting.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Private Viewing

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"That must be the artist over there."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Art of Surviving

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"Outré or simply bad?"

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

'You're no Pollock.'

Francoise Gilot

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"It's a great work!"

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)