Art Gallery Visiting Gifts

"You say sfumayto, I say sfumato."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

I painted them all from memory.

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Private Viewing

"That must be the artist over there."

"Outré or simply bad?"

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Art of Surviving

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

'You're no Pollock.'

"It's a great work!"

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

Francoise Gilot

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"