Art Gallery Visits Gifts

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Tilted painting

'Without Van Gogh, his ear painted even more abstract!'

I don't know anything about art and I I don't know what I like phobia: 'This artist was a very serious practicioner of his craft. On the other hand, he took a rather light-hearted view of the world.'

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

I painted them all from memory.

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Private Viewing

"Outré or simply bad?"

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"That must be the artist over there."

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

Art of Surviving

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

Congratulations! - You have been nominated for the Turner Prize...

"It's a great work!"

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

Francoise Gilot

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'You're no Pollock.'

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."