Art Gallery Visitor Gifts

Three dogs look at a picture of a bone, with tails wagging.

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

'It's a Joan Biro.'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Personally, I'm a doer."

'Projectile painting.'

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

Rodin's Browser

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

The Cremaster Cycle

Art Gallery.

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

"That must be the artist over there."

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

Private Viewing

"It's a great work!"

Francoise Gilot

'You're no Pollock.'

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)