Visiting Art Galleries Gifts

Induction day at the modern art gallery was proving to be heavy going for Sam. . .

"Is that all you can say - 'It's not messy'?"

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

'That's what I call a selfportrait!'

'I may not know art, but I know what I like!'

'My work is about having a big tin f grey paint in the shed.'

'I really admire his work.'

Art Intimidates Art.

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Abstract Expressionism: You'll hate at least one.

"For a critic, it's not easy to see a roomful of stuff like this, and pretend you think it's wonderful art."

"Now, this one I like."

"Okay, so it's no Michelangelo...."

"It's very minimalistic isn't it?"

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"It's worth $50 million, you philistine - of course you're not supposed to understand it!!!"

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

Rodin's Browser

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

I painted them all from memory.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

"Outré or simply bad?"

Art of Surviving

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"That must be the artist over there."