Attending Galleries Gifts

"I detect an accent – money?"

Two men discussing the attendance to the gallery

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Projectile painting.'

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

"That must be the artist over there."

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

Private Viewing

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

Francoise Gilot

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

"It's a great work!"

'You're no Pollock.'

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

Understanding art.

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)

Jackson Pollock - "Oh no! Someone's thrown paint all over it!"

"While, yes, I could produce those strokes, I lack the context to position an image in the ongoing conversation of contemporary art as enclosed by capitalist forces."

'Of course this makes your old masters al look now so very contrived.'

"In this series, the artist is in dialogue with her printer."