Art Gallery Visiting T-Shirts

"You say sfumayto, I say sfumato."

"I think that's one of his early 'blank canvases'. I think there are some bigger ones in the next room."

"Me? How about you go closer and read the plaque!"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

'Number two. That's the art that offended me.'

'Wow, talk about genius!'

Art Gallery.

'Miss Donahue would give him an F.'

"By 'genius' do they mean the artist or the marketing department?"

Sold! For £42,000 to the... No wait - it's the wrong way round!

'It was restored just last year, and changed from an abstract painting to a landscape.'

Curators at the Louvre Museum would regret approving the installation of a work on a wall behind the Mona Lisa.

Art of Surviving

'I agree, this artist will go far and he should start right now!'

Private Viewing

Woodworms at a sculpture gallery.

'How can they call it modern art when it's 100 year's old?'

"I like it, honey ... it speaks to what a waste of time your MFA was."

"This piece resembles my subconscious desire to draw spirals on a big piece of paper."

"That must be the artist over there."

"Outré or simply bad?"

Morning and Afternoon Paintings

"I'm not an Antony Gormley, I am Antony Gormley."

"Do I need to know this stuff to get into medical school?"

"It's a great work!"

'You're no Pollock.'

The less one gets it, the more it's art.

"How did this comma get in with all the pieces?"

"Your painting is both original and good. Sadly, the good bits are not original and the original bits are not good."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

Francoise Gilot

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"Hmmm...I wonder what the artist is trying to say...?"

'Abstract art is supposed to look that way.' (A rather smarthy attitude in an art gallery)