Friends Going Through A Breakup Gifts

"It's time to split the Hosta funkia!"

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"I think we should each try other beers."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

Cashflow - The milkman is here.

'I couldn't run away with you. I feel I would be depriving a village of its idiot!'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

"I need a hug."

"You came back!"

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

"Don't ever give up, Marjorie. I never thought I'd meet anyone either."

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.