Friend Going Through A Break-up Gifts

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"I think we should each try other beers."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"I need a hug."

"And do you promise to love, honour, and give me all your personal information that I can pass on to third parties..."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

"Don't ever give up, Marjorie. I never thought I'd meet anyone either."

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

'Please continue.'