Friend Experiencing Breakup Gifts

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

"She said she needed more space, so she left me!"

'Tunnel of divorce'

"The only dancing my husband ever did was sidestepping responsibility."

"Erza, I'm not inviting you to my birthday party, because our relationship is no longer satisfying to my needs."

"Gaby broke up with her BFF? That's awful."

"Ok. Agreed. She'll get the frisbee and rubber ball and you get to keep the bone."

'I'm sorry, Andrew, we're just not a good fit.'

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'

"My marriage has broken up. Well, half broken up. I'm still here."

"I'm not sure why my marriage ended. I'm still waiting for the forensic report."

"Truth be known, I don't miss him at all!"

"How was I to know that our relationship was Biodegradable?"

"It's not you. It's me."