Friend Going Through A Breakup Gifts

My dearest Victoria, This is the hardest letter I have ever had to write...

'Tunnel of divorce'

Happy Valentines Day

Time to move on and find someone who will appreciate you!...Next exit.

"After you ran away with the spoon, I moved on. I'm not going to Hey Diddle Diddle my life for you any more."

"No refunds."

"Ok. Agreed. She'll get the frisbee and rubber ball and you get to keep the bone."

Baldo and Smiley release each other's hands as they split up.

"My marriage has broken up. Well, half broken up. I'm still here."

"If you're breaking up with me, I'd like my ring and squeaky all back."

Angry heart.

"How was I to know that our relationship was Biodegradable?"

'I will laugh again, although it may not be until I read that you and your **** car have been found at the bottom of the canyon!'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"I think we should see other people."

"It's not you. It's me."

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."

"You had me at ‘we should start seeing other people.’"

"Sure, the dish ran away with me, but then she left me for a melon baller."

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'