Friend Facing A Breakup Gifts

"I'm going home to my foster mother."

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"And do you promise to love, honour, and give me all your personal information that I can pass on to third parties..."

The End is Near...You Wish.

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

"She said she needed more space, so she left me!"

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

'Tunnel of divorce'

"The only dancing my husband ever did was sidestepping responsibility."

"It's not you. It's me."

"I think we should see other people."

"My marriage has broken up. Well, half broken up. I'm still here."

'I'm leaving you. As a couple I feel like we have too many tissues.'

"Truth be known, I don't miss him at all!"

"Ok. Agreed. She'll get the frisbee and rubber ball and you get to keep the bone."

'I'd like to get rid of him. Is there an app for that?'