Friend Dealing With Breakup Gifts

Breaking up is hard to do. Well, most of the time.

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

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'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"And the person who made all those promises, this man you loved, trusted and ran away with, who subsequently stole your life savings and then abandoned you... is he in the courtroom today?"

"I'm sorry, Brad, but I'm saving eye-contact for that special someone."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"I think we should each try other beers."

"In this YouTube tutorial, I'm going to show you how to be alone with yourself."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Right now I'm on a 'man diet'. No more boyfriends until I lose twenty pounds.'

"I need a hug."

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"I'm a dish, not a bowl. This was never going to work."

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

Carol sensed some negative vibes from her date when he pulled out a laptop and began perusing other women's profiles.

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

"Don't ever give up, Marjorie. I never thought I'd meet anyone either."

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

'Please continue.'

'What a lovely card.' 'Yes, and it's made from recycled paper. Which is apprpriate considering you're on the rebound.'

Betty's Ex, Ray, Glasses.

Do I have grounds for a divorce? You're married...you have grounds.

"We never talk anymore...except thru your lawyer."

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."