Friends Going Through A Divorce Gifts

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"And should you get divorced, promise you won't sue me."

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'I'd like to return this, it turns out my wife bought one last week.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

Staying Single Explained.

Outside the Divorce Court.

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."