Friends Going Through A Divorce Gifts

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

Well, if being married isn't grounds for divorce, I'd like to know what is"

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"And should you get divorced, promise you won't sue me."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

Outside the Divorce Court.

Staying Single Explained.

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'My husband is becoming suspicious.'

'I've had a series of unfortunate marriages.'