Divorced Friends Gifts

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

Staying Single Explained.

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'