Divorced Friends Gifts

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

The Gayhorns

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

"How did his last remark make you feel?"

Birthdays were always better at Mom's.

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

Staying Single Explained.

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.