Recently Divorced Friend Gifts

Just Divorced

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

Marriage least expected to last...

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

Staying Single Explained.

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."