Newly Divorced Friend Gifts

'I'm tired of wading around in the shallow end of the gene pool.'

Marriage least expected to last...

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

"Now, to continue our argument before we were interrupted..."

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

"Remember when we used to wonder whether to kiss on the first date?"

The Gayhorns

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

Staying Single Explained.

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."