Newly Divorced Friend Gifts

'I'm tired of wading around in the shallow end of the gene pool.'

Marriage least expected to last...

'Two Mr. Wrongs don't make a Mr. Right.'

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"You look quite presentable when you make the effort. Your ex-wife always told me you scrubbed up well."

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

"Remember when we used to wonder whether to kiss on the first date?"

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

Staying Single Explained.

"I see a lot of Don Juan Complexes, but you're the first Don Knotts Complex I've come across."

'I tried to feeding on demand - it led to divorce on demand.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

'I feel sorry for you single people. Nobody to go home to fight with.'

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."