Friend With A Divorce Gifts

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

'I'll never forget you, Vince -- My therapist says it would be counterproductive to try.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

Staying Single Explained.

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"I'm leaving and I'm taking your iTunes with me."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"The curse has been set – your ex's shoes will now squeak in the quietest of settings."

"Lover’s leap" "Wife toss"

Hard Hat Area: Marriage Guidance Bureau.

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

'Don't feel bad - some guys lose everything.'

'I'm sorry Roger, it's not you, it's the way you move, it's just so bizarre.'

'I've had a series of unfortunate marriages.'

"Perhaps it was thoughtless of me, perhaps not. I haven't given it much thought."