Divorcee Friend Gifts

"It's my first husband. He's trying to win me back."

Homage to ex-husband.

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Well, we can try. But to be honest, I doubt that you'll get custody of your husband's credit cards."

'I haven't done anything. My ex-wife had those posters printed.'

',,,But if I do eat them I'll lose my child support, Oh, Alice,divorce is so hard,'

"So halfway through the divorce proceedings, I find out Henry is a warlock."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

"My ex wife is a heart surgeon. . . she ripped my heart out!"

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

The Gayhorns

"Can't you just say 'bippity boppity boo' and make all these messy divorce negotiations turn into pumpkins or something?"

"We've done volcano and twister. We need another movie about a natural disaster and my first marriage came to mind."

"I don't believe it. That's my ex-wife."

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

"So let me see... for your last will you have decided to bequeath all your unpaid tax bills to your ex husband."

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'Don't hate me just because I hate you.'

"You can scatter my remains at my ex-wife's apartment."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'Your 'ex' seems to be doing well.'

"IF you wanted to leave, why didn't you just say so?"

Staying Single Explained.

"I see great wealth for your lawyer, ex wife and doctor"

'I'll relinquish most of my visitation rights if you'll just let Katie come over once in awhile to program my appliances.'

"How sweet...Our first divorce! I'm so glad we got to share this special moment together."

"Then again, counselling doesn't always help everyone."

'No, it's not number four either, but he does look like my ex-husband. Yeah, let's go with number four.'

"It's not a rescue, it's the IRS and my ex-wife's lawyer."

"Please excuse my appearance, but I don't have anywhere to wash and shave since my wife threw me out."

...thirty-nine years young, recent divorcee, lifestyle includes a canine leitmotif....

"At what point did you realize your ex-husband was behind on his child support?"

"Why, Ed Phillips! I haven't seen you since our divorce!"

As part of the divorce settlement, Bob takes over his ex-wife's small business.

"Nobody ever talks about how when you marry a human at 16, you might divorce by 30 and have to move back to the sea."