Friendly Rival Gifts

'The grudge match.'

"I couldn't disagree with you more. I think yours in greener."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

Golf Eventuality

'I always kept up with my neighbors, the Joneses. I followed them down the path to bankruptcy.'

"Do you mean to say that, for the last fifteen years, we've been trying to keep up with each other?"

An Archeologic Dig

"Will you stop saying I hit a birdie on that last hole! Is it my fault that bird flew into the path of my ball?"

Ha Ha! Better Luck Next Time.

"Come on Frank. I didn't mean to catch a bigger fish than you."

Woman bragging about her big fish, husband with small fish.

'My favorite team is whoever is playing his favorite team.'

Tension filled the tent.

"Woof is not a word."

I won! I finished my pizza first! Want to make it two out of three?

Sadie, I just read that the moon used to be a lot closer to earth. You? "Read"? Yes, I read all the time. It takes you that long to read a book? Now that's not nice, Mrs. Cohen. We don't have to go at each other all the time, do we? I dream of a day when you and I can let bygones be bygones, embrace one another, and give each other the respect each of us deserves. Nothing doing! Come on, Sadie. Don't you ever wonder how happy we could be if we called a cease-fire? How about it? ... Friends? (Sig

Monday Nights: Wet Blanket Contest! I'm feeling really good about my chances this week, Bob!

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

Mixed Doubles.

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

"So what's this special distracting tactic you've developed?"

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"Things got heated with the Morgans. I may have wagered our car. You're up."

'You play ball with me and I'll play ball with you!'

Yale makes better lock than rival Harvard.

'Yes I think we did go to school together. Wasn't you the old headmistress?'

"That fish may be bigger, but I caught more."

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"Yin and Yankee fan"

The Rivalry Begins

'Her next door is LIVID - her husband's only got a septic big toe!'

"Very well, Carter, you've proven my theory faulty—let it go at that!"

Men painting red and white.

Tug the Toggle