Neighborly Rival Gifts

'The three essentials for any work of art are content, composition, and how envious it makes the neighbors.'

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

"So, the Scharfs have an atoll. Big deal."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Tension filled the tent.

"We thought we would come somewhere remote to self-isolate."

Polygamists' Picnic

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

'It's only 6 AM, but I want to send the kids to Wally's house before his mother sends him over here.'

Litter Pick

'The grudge match.'

"The parasol certainly paid for itself this summer."

An Archeologic Dig

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

"Our kids may like your giant soundbar, but the neighbors seem to have a different opinion."

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

Post-pandemic Hugging Refresher Class

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

"Carol, our guests are here, along with the complete L.L. Bean catalogue."

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

"It's from the Hendersons. They want us to come over this weekend."

"You invited the Wilsons over? This forest is a mess!!"

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

Visiting 'friends'.

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

'Her next door is LIVID - her husband's only got a septic big toe!'

"What?" "I SAID TURN THE MUSIC DOWN!"