Family Rival Gifts

'Your second cousin won a Nobel Prize in physics, and you don't know how gravity works?'

"I'm gonna be an artist!"

"I don't think much of this calendar your mum sent!"

Tension filled the tent.

Polygamists' Picnic

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'The grudge match.'

It's my biggest project - a database of all my sister's boyfriends.

An Archeologic Dig

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"Greta, look! The first dysfunctional family of winter!"

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

The noise from the basement was probably nothing – but if it was, she was a sacrifice her older brothers were willing to make.

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

'Her next door is LIVID - her husband's only got a septic big toe!'

I won! I finished my pizza first! Want to make it two out of three?

LEMONADE 50 CENTS, 'Sorry, cash only -- we don't accept little brothers.'

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

'Mum, she pulled my mane!'

"You can't live in our basement. Your brother beat you to it."

'I suppose this puts my new bike on the back burner?'

'At first I wanted a brother, but I've changed my mind... I want a puppy now.'

No date for the prom, green girl? If you ever grow up, nerd boy

'Take it from someone with experience. . . you can't go throwing tantrums until you've at least tossed a few.'

'Mom! - Jeffrey just said a DADDY word!!'

'Oh yeah, well your dad may have a better calculator, but my dad can add without one.'

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

Technically, no, dear, your brother isn't plagiarizing you. ABC. ABC.

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

'Stop crying or Mom will think we're not having fun!'