Family Rivalry Fan Gifts

Thanksgiving Smackdown

The Alpha Seltzer

"He's my smart-aleck twin."

"So, I've heard you call yourself 'King of the Jungle'! Based on what criteria exactly?"

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

'Bad news: the report says it's cheaper if cats make it...'

'Great invention, Rex! What are you going to call it?'

Doggie Bowl Drill

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

'It took me five years to learn, but now I can climb trees! Let's see if that darn cat will laugh at me now...'

Whilst a dog is weeing at the base of a tree, a squirrel wees at the entrance of it's dog house.

Lion v Kiwi.

'Mum, she pulled my mane!'

Freak Family.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I ruin it for you by saying it was the butler who did it? Such a good book..."

Federal Employees Annual Easter Egg Hunt: 'This isn't fair - the CIA always wins!'

"You can't live in our basement. Your brother beat you to it."

'I just don't understand... We hate the same movies, books, art, music, friends and relatives, and we agree that the world's a hopeless mess. With all that in common, why is our marriage falling apart?'

Miami: Home of the Miami Relatives

"I thought they decided who was the best team last year?"

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

"So how come he gets to stay inside and do his business?"

Sick Exhibitionist

"A phony attorney…I'm so disappointed, son. Your brother is a phony doctor."

Restoration of mutual confidence between Mr. and Mrs. Micawber

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- he's kind of a starter kit.'

It's folks like Mildred who make collectibles collectable!

BIG BUSINESS: "He's going places in this company - his father owns it!"

"Excluding our little granddaughter who calls me 'horrible old smellypops!'"

The fight ends, the hockey players flee, and the curling team once again rules the ice rink.

"It's a dog tradition. Every morning and evening, we thank God that we're not cats."

'Sorry, but I can't see you ever catching the neighbour's cat...'