Football Humorist Gifts

'Coach is in a meeting. He's going over patterns with his receivers.'

'What makes you think Sepp Blatter is a great football defender?!'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

'Nesbitt will do all our Monday morning quarterbacking.'

After review, the replay confirms a touchdown, and also that big, jiggly bellies look hilarious in slow motion.

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

'Then I remarked how good it was that the linebacker faked the blitz then dropped back into coverage. You should have seen his face. It was like I'd taken away his G.I Joe and put a dress on it.'

'Heeeere's Fergie!'

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

'Foot balling phillistines, how soon they forget.'

'When you've got a minute, give this a bowl of milk.'

Football Bomb

"This isn't going to work, Haskins. You short arm every pass thrown over your head."

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Open mike night presents Sadie Cohen. Summer's almost over

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Football Chameleon

Punt Cake

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Alternative fielding positions

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Trojan Hurdler.

"Getting the hang of it?"

Sloth 10K.

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

The Hockey World

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

Various men worshipping a statue of a football