Football Humorists Gifts

Misery/Torment/N.Y. Football

'Spit him out, Vince! This is just practice. Save the rough stuff for the game.'

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

Punt Cake

Football Chameleon

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

Alternative fielding positions

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Trojan Hurdler.

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

'We went generic. The players' salaries are affordable.'

'I got a reverse hat trick. I let three goals in.'

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

'It looks suspiciously like Killer Hart is taking a dive!'

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Small country advertisng at the Olympics

'He migrates through every year about this time. Just sits there and watches. We leave him alone and he leaves us alone...'

Footballer kicking his own brain.

"With one wrong turn, Sparky's big adventure became a nightmare."

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

'He's definitely heading for a red card.'

Pigs form huddles before taking up starting positions

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'It Kicked!' - 'Punt, Drop or Tad?'

'You're not supposed to jump over the net.'

'I hate playing stinkbugs! Every time we press them on defense, they just let 'e rip!'