Football Satirist Gifts

Alternative names for the Washington Redskins

If at first you don't succeed, deflate the football.

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

The Golfing Accident

Alternative fielding positions

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Racketeer

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

Football Bomb

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'