Soccer Satirist Gifts

"You are trying to block the 2018 world cup in Moscow!"

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Come here Sepp. I fancy a bite!'

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

The Golfing Accident

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

'There! See that? Brad just happens to morph into some kind of hideous amphibian just as he's about to putt? Now tell me she's not cheating!'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Kick Me! (sign on an anthropomorphized soccer ball)

The Hockey World

Major Bunker (who has been persuaded to join in a game of hockey for the first time, absent-mindedly preparing to drive). 'Force.'

The Leafs win the Cup!

Volcano Sacrifice Competition

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

Beijing Olympics - Treadmill.

Goodbye Opiate of the Masses

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Runner 007 is given a martini for refreshment.

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

"After the big race, the tortoise and the hare are ordered to provide urine samples."

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

Football Bomb

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

The solitude of bean farming appealed to the ex-ballplayer after his fall from grace.

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

Racketeer

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"