Soccer Superstar Satire Gifts

'Tony, you always try to lead.'

"What's he going to do now, break wind?"

"Everybody gets a raise."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

Advertising space on jockeys' bottoms

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'Yes, it's a foul. But is it a flagrant foul?'

Loser's Podium.

'New rule. From now on you don't just sit in the penalty box. You also get a root canal.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'You better have a hunting license.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

Sports PsychologyBad at Sports Pscyhology.

'You see, I would make a great goalkeeper...'

"Atlas! We require a small sample."

If at first you don't succeed, deflate the football.

FIFA scandal

VAR - a nail in the football coffin...

'You can't go around writing graffiti on every wall you see!' (Football defensive wall).

'I'm very attracted to that cologne.'

"Honestly, I don't really start paying attention until the playoffs."

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

"I never knew you could have so much fun with a global debt bubble."

'Your opponent only hit you once - the ref hit you at least a dozen times...'

What's that annoying buzzing noise? (Vuvuzelas)

'Careful with that shotgun, it could go off.' - 'Don't worry, I'm covering the trigger with my finger.'

Superdome: Now Playing Har Bowl.

' and we'll give you a bonus everytime you score!'