Soccer Satire Enthusiast Gifts

Football Violence.

'How is he at writhing in agony'

Funky Facts: Football.

Alternative fielding positions

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Glenn Hoddle

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Loser's Podium.

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

Ref shows footballer green card.

Free Speech has heavy price.

'To protect their investments, many baseball owners are hiring bodyguards for their players.'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

The Washington Arbitrators

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

Why are you dressed like a British lawyer? The term is barrister, but it doesn't surprise me you don't know that. In fact, it helps me make the case I'm here to prove today: That you're a meathead because you suffered concussions playing football. That's ridiculous. Hold on! Let your counsel represent you. I want to be fair. Counsel? Never mind. He seems to have no comment.

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'

"We must prepare for the threat of China laying claim to Raducanu."