Soccer Satire Lover Gifts

'I've heard Man City might buy them.'

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

Glenn Hoddle

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Loser's Podium.

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

The Washington Arbitrators

'To protect their investments, many baseball owners are hiring bodyguards for their players.'

Free Speech has heavy price.

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'Well, here's your answer, Schluman. How can I possible promote you to district sales manager if you can't even palm a basketball?'

"We must prepare for the threat of China laying claim to Raducanu."

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

'But I don't mean to bite people...they just get caught in my teeth.'

You Don't Know What It's Like

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

The Breakfast of Cheaters

'...You have a morbid fear of the ball.'

'OK, you're all set. That stent in your artery will get you through the second half, but I'll need to open you back up after the game.'