Soccer Satire Lovers Gifts

Table Football Hooligans.

"... It's just that, when you said you had a couple of tickets to see the big game..."

'You can all relax and resume your game. The unattended bag discovered on the infield turned out to be the second base.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'His 5 hour energy drink timed out. If only he had taken it 3 seconds later.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'The manager takes the pitcher out of the game'

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"If PBS announcers did football games." "Let's listen carefully to the quarterback as he scans his options. It appears that the defense seems to want to deter his team from moving the ball forward..." "The fans are making so much noise. I wonder if they know how hard that makes it for the players to concentrate?"

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Glenn Hoddle

Loser's Podium.

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

The Washington Arbitrators

"I'm here to ensure there's no hanky-panky with the ball's inflation."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

Free Speech has heavy price.

"Just to set the record straight, I'm leaving you because you never turn your body to the net, you don't have a smooth swing, and because your forehand, backhand, and volley are inadequate!"

"This one is called 'Essence of Hockey Bag.'"

Organically Grown Athlete - Guaranteed free of chemicals.

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

You Don't Know What It's Like

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

'Well, here's your answer, Schluman. How can I possible promote you to district sales manager if you can't even palm a basketball?'

'But I don't mean to bite people...they just get caught in my teeth.'

"The hardest thing about winning bouts? The other guy's fists."

"We must prepare for the threat of China laying claim to Raducanu."

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

'...You have a morbid fear of the ball.'

'OK, you're all set. That stent in your artery will get you through the second half, but I'll need to open you back up after the game.'