Soccer Comedian Gifts

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"Pastrami. My favorite, Chad. But I asked for the 'sand wedge.'"

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Cricket - The Pride of the Village.

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

Champions biting their medals

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Football Bomb

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

"Keep your shape at the back...."

'That's an interesting point. If they're both on the same team, is it a penalty?'

Prison Croquet Team

'And it looks like the refs are going to call a hard fowl.'

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

"Ignore the 45,000 people. They're watching you, but they're not staring at you."

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

Referee penalises footballer for using a tissue.

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

'Remember it's YOUR benefit game-go out and foul whoever you like!'

'You see, I would make a great goalkeeper...'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.