Soccer Comedian Gifts

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

'I don't understand why you always put me in goal?!'

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

"Pastrami. My favorite, Chad. But I asked for the 'sand wedge.'"

Cricket - The Pride of the Village.

'Clear out your desk, Randy. ...NEXT!'

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Robert.....Why do you think they call slanted letters italics.'

'Okay, who knows how to solve for 'X'?'

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'And remember...no sudden moves in the shoot out.'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

It's a tradition. On hole number 1 in the first round of the season, Ernie always says that's the best shot I've hit this year!

Champions biting their medals

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Football Bomb

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

Ref shows footballer green card.

'Disqualified!... He did not yell 'Boing' when he jumped!'

"Keep your shape at the back...."

'That's an interesting point. If they're both on the same team, is it a penalty?'

Prison Croquet Team

'And it looks like the refs are going to call a hard fowl.'

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

"Ignore the 45,000 people. They're watching you, but they're not staring at you."

He's not breaking any rules if that's hand sanitizer.

'You see, I would make a great goalkeeper...'

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

'Remember it's YOUR benefit game-go out and foul whoever you like!'

'Now that's what I call a tackle, Brian'

Referee penalises footballer for using a tissue.

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

Expansion 2000: The Baton Rouge Ball Boys