Football Escapist Gifts

"Somewhere a long. . . long way from the World Cup."

Woman dreaming about being on vacation.

Second lifeReal life.

Last Chance For Reality

The income gap is widening into a massive divide. Instability will follow. I'm not pleading for the middle class, I'm pleading for our future. House of Java .net Cybercafe. We can't have only rich and poor, for that was goes serfdom, instability, and eventually, collapse through inevitable revolution from below. Are you following what I'm saying? Are you listening? Not just listening. I'm listening while also playing Angry Birds. I've got no chance here, do I? Me either. The higher levels are br

"Behind the back, between the legs, around my disappointed parents, nothing but net."

"I had a dream about a huge flaming rock falling from the sky! What do you think it means?"

'You're so sophisticated and witty...and muscular...do you work out? Why, yes, I'd love to come back to your place.'

"This is highly confidential, so, yes, we built a little fort."

"It's a weak pilot, but, if your stick with it, by Season 3 you grow completely numb to the show's quality and just keep hitting Next Episode."

"A man can't fully enjoy golf until he has a family of his own to avoid."

Why do you hate blockbuster movies? Why do you hate documentaries? I don't. I love spending two hours watching the very life I'm trying to escape. Oooh, fun, bittersweet insights into the complexities of living in modern life. Document this! My camera lens isn't wide enough.

Man opens front door to find he's up in clouds.

"He went that-a-way." (snail escapes).

Zoo Employees

"I've half a mind to protest."

I'm afraid we only accept manuscripts through an agent, except spy novels, which we only accept through a double agent.

American Idle

"There's apparently another one of those rescue ships coming to take us back to civilisation. . . quick, let's hide!"

'If you keep running away, son, you'll never make it through your formative years.'

Message in a bottle.

'A lovely area, but not enough waiters!'

'Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day . . . teach a man to fish and he'll never get any work done.'

Virtual Reality Check

"I have no problem with reality. It's just the occasional intrusion of gritty realism that I hate."

A people-meter family out enjoying the calm night breezes while claiming to be inside enjoying a rerun of 'Falcon Crest.'"

Sometimes you wanna go where nobody knows your name

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

Don Quixote

Accu-Tech's Personal Information Firewall

Castaway Building a Sand Bridge

Grand Theft Auto

'Don't worry, I'll get us out of here.'

Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

'When you get back from Narnia, the vacuum will be waiting for you.'