Football Banter King Gifts

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

Football Bomb

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

'But I don't mean to bite people...they just get caught in my teeth.'

Gotta babysit. Too bad! Tap tap. The worst part is the first! Subduing little monsters? Tap tap. No

"No thanks. I'm not interested in being the, 'official prophet of the NFL.'"

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

Brazil vs Germany

"The coach said that you play like Ronaldo? Ha! You loser! He told me I play like Chloe Kelly!"

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

(Carl's Sports Bar) - 'Hockey Sucks!!' - Although Earl had made good on his dare, it would be weeks before he could eat solid food again.

'Out batted, out bowled, out fielded!'

If at first you don't succeed, deflate the football.

After review, the replay confirms a touchdown, and also that big, jiggly bellies look hilarious in slow motion.

"Well, if you don't want to talk politics would you like to talk baseball?"

The theraputic quality of the World Cup only comes to the fore with a good xenophobic thrashing of foreigners.

'Remember, it's YOUR benefit game - go out and foul whoever you like!'

'The fish and chips are very nice.'

"The All-Star Game is just a fun way to decide which league will host the San Francisco Giants' next championship romp.*"

'Nesbitt will do all our Monday morning quarterbacking.'

'Oh, the poor dear - he's fallen down again!'

'Jameis Winston is going over to the sideline, I'm not sure if he's been suspended again, or just broke a chin strap."

'Foot balling phillistines, how soon they forget.'

'Spit him out, Vince! This is just practice. Save the rough stuff for the game.'