Football Banter Experts Gifts

Table Football Hooligans.

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Focus! Focus! You've just gotta' forget about their home ground advantage.

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

"Hey! I know that handwriting, St Valentines day last year!!!"

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

Football Bomb

'Remember young brave to always face evil without fear...To have our tribe on foam and underwear!'

'My dad's a soccer announcer.'

Free Speech has heavy price.

World Cup. Half Empty.

'But I don't mean to bite people...they just get caught in my teeth.'

Match Fixing in Malaysia

"..common sense has prevailed, Michael Owen's agent has let the referee off with just a severe warning."

'As an exercise I placed eleven dustbins on the pitch and made the team dribble around them...The bins won 5-0.'

The defence were confident about their offside trap.

Brazil vs Germany

After review, the replay confirms a touchdown, and also that big, jiggly bellies look hilarious in slow motion.

If at first you don't succeed, deflate the football.

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

"Oh no! It's foot 'n' mouth season again."

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'

'Put the kettle on darling.'

"Well, if you don't want to talk politics would you like to talk baseball?"

Jose Mourinho Caricature.

'The fish and chips are very nice.'

Adrian Chiles

'Nesbitt will do all our Monday morning quarterbacking.'

'Oh, the poor dear - he's fallen down again!'