Football Commentator Gifts

'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Football Commentator.

'I never knew there was three K's in Atkinson.'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

"The ref's produced a yellow card, Ginola shows his Equity card"

'They've abandoned the match beause of fog. Couldn't see the advertising hoarding apparently.'

Free Speech has heavy price.

'Put the kettle on darling.'

danny baker danny kelly sofa

"Wow, that ended with the last play of the game!"

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

I think you're ace

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

Tennis ball girl.