Match Commentator Gifts

'He's signalling to the pavilion...He seems to want something...I can't tell what...'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

I think you're ace

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

Novak Djokovic has his visa denied to play in Australia as he is unvaccinated

'And now on the comedy channel Jose Mourinho's latest outburst.'

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

'Wow! That's got to be some sort of record!'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"Still, he might be remembered as the 'no cloning' President."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

Tennis ball girl.

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'You know our track team stinks when our star pole vaulter is better at the limbo.'

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

American Football.

Roy, if you can hear me, the Mets are twenty games over .500 and they have a good shot at clinching the N. L. East."

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'