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'Double Dannys': Danny Baker and Danny Kelly.

Football Commentator.

'I never knew there was three K's in Atkinson.'

'The centre-forward wins a foul!'

Jon Gruden

"The ref's produced a yellow card, Ginola shows his Equity card"

'They've abandoned the match beause of fog. Couldn't see the advertising hoarding apparently.'

Adrian Chiles

'My dad's a soccer announcer.'

Free Speech has heavy price.

'Put the kettle on darling.'

'Jameis Winston is going over to the sideline, I'm not sure if he's been suspended again, or just broke a chin strap."

danny baker danny kelly sofa

"Wow, that ended with the last play of the game!"

"Eh? What? Eh? I'm sorry, I dozed off during all that cross-field and back passing."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

What McWit lacks in speed he gains in nose.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

'These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand.'

I think you're ace

'Now that's the Group of Death.'

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

Perils of the double play.

Kenny Dalglish

Sport: Crisis in the Real Madrid.

'The 'Leviathan Bat,' or many centuried marvel of the modern (cricket) world. (Dr. William Gilbert Grace.)'

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

'And with this one I scored 138 not out...every one off the edge.'

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"