Football Banter Fan Gifts

Footballer being substituted by an old man with a zimmer frame

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

Archaeologists discover a football

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

Red Card - Gold Card.

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

"Go deep!"

Referee cop.

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

Football Violence

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'