Football Banter Fan Gifts

Footballer being substituted by an old man with a zimmer frame

Scottish Football Fan - "...and please Lord, let the result be against the run of play."

"Don't worry, Ref, just shock, it's his first save all season."

Football Chameleon

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

"Uptight End"

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

Supermarket - World Cup Specials

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

Archaeologists discover a football

'David when we said we would like you to be a role model for us. . .'

'Now what?!'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"Yes, I've made three resolutions - not to drink less, not to stop watching football on telly and not to spend more time at your mother's."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'Well it's too bad you're not a black widow like me, Slyvia...'

'Touchdown!'

'No we didn't get high definition TV - the wife dusted the screen.'

'Bad boy! Drop the quarterback! Drop him! Drop!!'

Red Card - Gold Card.

Referee cop.

A well-known poet lives on this street. Building Supplies. I just need one. She authored a prize-winning screenplay. That offensive lineman is a novelist. My journalist friend is rejecting calls from my number. It's frustrating. I just can't escape writer's block.

Yoga. My goal in yoga is the same as the goal of defensive football players. Bend but don't break.

'And if the scores remain level, you can text the name of the team you want to keep in the tournament.'

"Go deep!"

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

Football Violence

St John's ambulance member "I prefer rugby myself, more blood shed"

Sports Medicine.

'There's nothing in the rules about gloves.'

Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen in: Changing Seasons. Does life affirm with coming fall? Leaved hit the ground, men huddle. Smashing each other over a ball. Wrestling around in a puddle. Huh? In this potpourri of hulky sights, one image is hardly the least, sir. So many changes, so many nights ... to see Eli Manning's keister. The bard of NY Giants football. Beautiful. Disgusting.