Fan Banter Gifts

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'A cheeky red?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Gotta babysit. Too bad! Tap tap. The worst part is the first! Subduing little monsters? Tap tap. No

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

'Before you nodded off, your last statement was that we need to reinvigorate the company.'

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

Propriety

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

'So...your Bowel or mine?' / A male tapeworm using a pick-up line on a female tapeworm

The Forgotten Men's Club

'The fish and chips are very nice.'

"Oh year?! Well, MY daddy is the largest of the largest animal species on earth!"

'Quit the act? That's not you, boss--that's the drink talking.'