Fan Banter Pillows

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'A cheeky red?'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"Sir, I have a question that's lunch-related."

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

'I'll give you this, Henderson - you're no worse than anyone else.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Berger. I must have accidentally pressed the 'Sycophant' button."

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

'Before you nodded off, your last statement was that we need to reinvigorate the company.'

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'

Propriety

The new heated seats were proving to be just a little too hot for the fans!

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

'So...your Bowel or mine?' / A male tapeworm using a pick-up line on a female tapeworm

The Forgotten Men's Club

(Negotiating Breakthrough) (Rub my foot, would you, Hargraves?)

'Crickets? I mean cricket?'

"Look, honey, they're erecting a statue of you in the park—oh, now they're taking it down."

'Quit the act? That's not you, boss--that's the drink talking.'