Boastful Banter Fan Pillows

'I didn't invent fire, but I like to think I've perfected playing with it.'

"Not to brag, but I once blew a vaping cloud so big the Met Office gave it a name."

'A cheeky red?'

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"Don’t worry. You’re looking at the Frederick H. Tuttle Middle School long-jump champion."

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Bragging at the Old Physicists' & Old Writers' Home.'

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"

"What I drink and what I tell the pollsters I drink are two different things."

"Yeah, I'm selling my bowling balls. Free delivery to anyone who lives downhill."

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'Oh, sure-- we're immortal SO FAR.'

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

Propriety

Can you feel the electricity in the air?...

'Today is. . . Tuesday! We are going. . . on a picnic. . . I am. . . an idiot.'

"I try to keep my coffee buzz going till the Martini buzz kicks in."

'So...your Bowel or mine?' / A male tapeworm using a pick-up line on a female tapeworm

The Forgotten Men's Club

'I still have all my own teeth but my head is false.'

'You have inflammation in both eyes but as far as I can see, there's no information behind them.'

'Quit the act? That's not you, boss--that's the drink talking.'

"Oh year?! Well, MY daddy is the largest of the largest animal species on earth!"

"I'm interested in the debt consolidation package your bank has been advertising...."

"Mine's a metaphor. I don't know what's going on withyou."

Mothers. . . have no shame.

"Look, honey, they're erecting a statue of you in the park—oh, now they're taking it down."