Wit And Banter Fan Pillows

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

Loopholes

Happy Hour 5-7. (Not really an hour, not really happy.) At last, truth in advertising.

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

Cold caller.

The Gilmore Girls

When Stupid People Get an Idea

A lesson in wit

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

'I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon.'

'Sure you always catch bigger fish than me. Your arms are a foot longer than mine.'

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

'Yeah, but tomorrow I'll be sober, and you'll still be a giraffe!'

Know-it-alls

"Your Honor, I would like the record to state that Mr. Katzman is a 'hostile witness'."

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Yeah, I know why you pulled me over. But, c'mon. I'm down to half a pack a day and I'm tryin' to quit."

"Tom, we've started a little office pool on how long it'll take me to get your job. Want in?"

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

'With Myrna and I, it was love at first slight.'

Sublime

"At work, they call me benchmark."

'Sorry, I don't carry cash, I'm married!'

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

If I may paraphrase an old saying, "Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to urinate like racehorses." ! !

Ok, I know a sarcastic slow clap when I hear one.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'You Honor, my client would like to change his plea to 'pretty please with sugar on it.''