Witty Banter Fan Pillows

"With the pretzels I recommend a hearty burgundy, with the goldfish a blanc de blancs."

"O.K., your mouth may be clean but I'll bet your mind is filthy."

"Look, honey, they're erecting a statue of you in the park—oh, now they're taking it down."

'I'm the second most interesting man in the world.'

'I told him I wasn't born yesterday, and he demanded to see my birth certificate.'

"Is there a humorist in the house?"

'When I say you're second rate, I'm trying to boost your ego.'

'Talking of of big tops have you seen the new barmaid at the Green Dragon?'

'Nobody goes there any more.' - 'It's too crowded.'

'That's it. Your allowance doesn't include a suggested gratuity.'

"Remember - you have sharp teeth and claws, but he has sarcasm."

Smart Ass - Wise Ass

'A cheeky red?'

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

Freudian Bar & Grill...Jungian Pub: 'We can out drink those Freudians ant day of the week!...'And twice on Sunday!' ...'Yeah!' ... e

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

"I never make the same mistake twice. I make it 5-6 times, just to be sure."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

Cold caller.

The Art of Bantering!

The Gilmore Girls

A lesson in wit