Team Banter Aficionado Gifts

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

'What worried me most is identity theft.'

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

Pretty girls listen patiently. They know you'll soon get tongue-tied and won't be able to talk anymore.

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

"Lord Stanley's Cup...and Bailey"

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

"Excuse me, Jerrod, but I'm leaving you for Paul's competing narrative."

"Events seem to be headed in the right direction. Unfortunately, it's not taking me with it."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'You've got us backward. I'm Vinnie, and my short and subtle brother is Vignette.'

Football heads...

Punishment for the kicker.

"Meanwhile in Dogtown... Put your tongue back in your mouth. And pull up your pants. That’s not what your mom said last night."

I conduct comprehensive surveys - I ask my girlfriend.

"Hey Eric. Do you think they're silicone implants?"

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

You look lovely tonight. It's a good think the coat-check girl let me check my thought balloons. !!

The Art of Bantering!

"I work from home because I can’t stand the sight of idiots." "Is that why you got rid of all our mirrors?"

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Let's go bowling and keep on bowling until the people who regulate bowling say it isn't bowling any more!"

"I don't know—my gut tells me I should have another beer."

'Do you mean I leave a lot to be desired bad, or a lot to be desired good?'

'Have I told you how absolutely lovely you look today?'

"I was listening at the door and I overheard the nickname they have for me."

'Sorry, I only drink still wines. I don't have the patience to wait for bubbles to pop.'

'You're looking well.'

"Yes, you look presentable. Now get on!"