Sports Banter Fan Gifts

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Alternative fielding positions

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'Here we go again...'

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"Cricket...six minutes of excitement crammed into six hours!"

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

'Will you lean on the other post for awhile, please?.'

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

"Oh, come on ref. How can you not see that?!"

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

Modern Football

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

False starts.

Egads. I've forgotten what the rule is about a runner throwing a leg to base ahead of himself.

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

'I believe you want some fencing done at the bottom of your garden?'

"Your fastball is just hanging and your curve isn't breaking at all. What you should do is take an analgesic with some pain-relieving anti-inflammatory ingredients for a few days."

'Out batted, out bowled, out fielded!'

"OK maybe we should try a different sport."

(Carl's Sports Bar) - 'Hockey Sucks!!' - Although Earl had made good on his dare, it would be weeks before he could eat solid food again.

'Please cover for me Carol. I'll be away from my desk, roaming the cubicles, searching for sports talk.'