Sports Banter Fan Prints

"Who are you looking at? Want to kick off, do you?"

Alternative fielding positions

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

"It evened out, for every free kick they got, we had one against us."

'Here we go again...'

"Why so aloof in here? When you're on base, you yak your ass off with every Yankee in sight."

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'

Footballer holding team mates bum while preparing for a penalty shoot out

Golfers forming the raising the flag on Iwo Jima.

'...And if that doesn't work, grab your rifle and start blasting away.'

"Cricket...six minutes of excitement crammed into six hours!"

'It's not your fault, Dewey. Whenever a call doesn't go his way, he goes ballistic.'

"Oh, come on ref. How can you not see that?!"

'The Ref gave out 4 yellow cards, 2 reds and 7 Valentine cards.'

"I'm against pain killers for players, but I'm for them for supporters."

'Youth Baseball Clinic: How To Develop A Deep-Rooted Hatred Of The Media.'

'Will you lean on the other post for awhile, please?.'

Why are you dressed like a British lawyer? The term is barrister, but it doesn't surprise me you don't know that. In fact, it helps me make the case I'm here to prove today: That you're a meathead because you suffered concussions playing football. That's ridiculous. Hold on! Let your counsel represent you. I want to be fair. Counsel? Never mind. He seems to have no comment.

Competitors complained that Sir Hops-A-Lot's souther steed gave him an unfair advantage."

'You're SURE that you've played water polo before?'

'Good morning, class. I am Mr. Penny and will be your coach today. I expect you to behave - no running and jumping!'

False starts.

Gotta babysit. Too bad! Tap tap. The worst part is the first! Subduing little monsters? Tap tap. No

Do you really have to do that every time you make a good call? 76. If refs acted like players.

Egads. I've forgotten what the rule is about a runner throwing a leg to base ahead of himself.

"In this situation, I'd suggest a 5-word sentence with an action verb but hold the exclamation mark."

Modern Football

'I believe you want some fencing done at the bottom of your garden?'

"That was one strange and confusing competition."

"OK maybe we should try a different sport."

"The coach said that you play like Ronaldo? Ha! You loser! He told me I play like Chloe Kelly!"

"Your fastball is just hanging and your curve isn't breaking at all. What you should do is take an analgesic with some pain-relieving anti-inflammatory ingredients for a few days."

(Carl's Sports Bar) - 'Hockey Sucks!!' - Although Earl had made good on his dare, it would be weeks before he could eat solid food again.

'Their offense is shifty and often ruthless. I want you to study the videotapes - especially this one showing their quarterback robbing a convenience store at gunpoint.'